Q:\u00a0My sister just had a premature baby. Her little boy has to wear a mask on his face to breathe, and he hasn\u2019t been able to leave the hospital yet. My sister is upset, of course, and so are my parents. Meanwhile, I\u2019m still here at school and feeling like the most useless person in the world. I want to help my sister and my family in any way I can, but I don\u2019t know what I could do that would make a difference to anyone right now. They\u2019re out of state, so I can\u2019t visit easily. I don\u2019t even know much about the kid\u2019s condition other than that everyone is scared, and I don\u2019t want to ask my sister right now. I\u2019m worried and I feel awful, and I just don\u2019t know what to do. Is there anything I could do to help?<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n
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A: Your family\u2019s situation sounds very tough indeed. Premature birth is always serious. It sounds like what your nephew is wearing is a <\/span>CPAP machine<\/span><\/a>, which uses mild air pressure to air and regulate breathing, your family and your sister and nephews would be the ones who know for sure. Your choice to avoid asking your sister seems wise–she is dealing with the health of her child constantly (as well as her own health–<\/span>OB-GYNs suggest<\/span><\/a> postpartum checkups), and when she can afford to get away from doctors and hospitals, she may not want to spend that time talking more about the same frightening issues. But since the worry is clearly weighing about you, you may want to speak to your parents and learn more about the situation. Remember, too, that you are not alone in this: <\/span>1 in 10 infants in the United States is born preterm<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n While it\u2019s not necessarily a good idea to ask your sister about the medical details, it is absolutely a good idea to reach out to her and remind her that you are thinking of her and her family. As for what you should say when you call, experts have plenty of advice to share: those who have been through what your sister is going through <\/span>often recommend saying \u201ccongratulations,\u201d<\/span><\/a> a word that far too few parents in this situation get to hear. Your sister is a new parent, and while she\u2019s not going to be in any mood to celebrate, a subdued \u201ccongratulations\u201d recognizes the momentous moments and the good parts of this intense experience.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n